The world to him

He stood there, looking onto the the most beautiful creature in his world. She was sleeping on their bed. Their bed. He still was not use to that. It took a long time. After what happened, he still felt the guilt. The betrayal of his friends, the pain he made onto himself and his best of friends. 

He met her when he was drinking his hot chocolate. In a near empty cafe. He has always enjoyed a nice cup alone but after accusing of his friends, the repeated visits meditated his anguish, his guilt. It did not get rid of those feelings but they helped him. Somehow.

She came up to him and began their relationship. He had noticed her before but never wanted to make a new friend. Ever. He never wanted to make another friend after what he did. But he also did not want to be rude to strangers as well. So, he did what he was used to. He put up a fake and convincing smile and had the small chat that the woman wanted. He had hoped she would go away after the small chat. She did not.

When he was at the cafe, she was too and she always came up to him. He even went to a different cafe but when she visited the same cafe with her friends, she found his sercret as well. And even though she knew he was avoiding her, she still tried to become a friend of his. He still did not become her friend afterwards.

It was after he began leaving the cafe was the very moment that their relationship began. She grabbed his hand. She stopped him from leaving. And she did not let him go. And it hurt him.

"I am not leaving you until you tell me why you always avoid people and smile like a dead man."

He looked at her with the frustration rising in him. This was a stranger. A stranger that was holding him down. AND. HE. DID. NOT WANT TO TALK.

In the end, he buried that anger. Just like how he buried all his emotions he ever had. The fury of the sun, the guilt of a betrayer and the loneliness. Like the void of space. Or like the desolated dark stone in the lifeless desert.

She turned on her heels and while still gripping on his arm, she started walking. When they stopped walking, she finally let go of his arm. It hurt somehow.

"Sit down" she ordered. He followed that order like a puppet. "Tell me. I can see it your face, the way you look and the way you just...stare."

He still remembers the determination showing on her face. He still remembers where she had taken him. He still remembers how he finally gave up and told her everything. He was tired of not being able to talk anymore. To truly able to talk with somebody who genuinely wanted to talk.

She stirred in their bed and her arms stretched to where he was sleeping. When her arms found nothing but the cold cover, she curled up slightly and moaned quietly.

She meant the world to him now. He wanted her to be happy. He gave up pushing people away. He still felt the anguish from all that time ago but he still felt alive. He still woke up each day, he worked to become a better man. A better human. And that was thanks because of her. She was the reason he woke up and left the house. She was the reason he was the smooth grey rock in the oasis, she was the sun in the empty void, shining brightly and giving him warmth.

He loved her. She was the world to him.

To leave a comment, please sign in with
or or

Comments (9)

  1. shadowstarz

    Is it nice to know that the world revolves around you !?
    .
    Such a precious feeling… you never wanna let go of once you’ve found what you’re looking for. 😎🌻🎈

    February 04, 2017
    1. iamscared

      it is a nice feeling. Only thing is that it’s addicting and you really want more when you split up.

      February 05, 2017
      1. shadowstarz

        Wow. Once I close a door… I never reopen it. Especially, if it bares all the markings of something addictive. The latter will leave you open for abuse; both emotional & psychological.

        February 05, 2017
        1. iamscared

          If keeping a door closed was so easy. My memories are what makes me. I cannot keep them closed in spite of fear.
          Yes, I understand it can be harmful and unhealthy but in this world and at this time in my life where I feel like nothing, I like to remember that there is still good things that has happened and that there is always a chance for more.

          February 05, 2017
          1. shadowstarz

            Actually, its easy IF you don’t have a proclivity for co – dependancy and/ or attachment issues, or other underlying issues like addictive behaviours etc.
            .
            If you feeling like a “nothing” it’d be in your best interest to address any underlying issues that make you feel like that.
            .
            Being in a relationship to fill thay void, should never be an underlying reason to enter into a relationship. That’s exactly how co-dependenacy & dysfunction emerges in a relationship. Which will, in the end, turn sour.
            .
            Hopefully, you find the rationale to invest within your self before dragging someone into your life IF you’re not entirely happy & content, deep within.
            .
            Best of luck !

            February 06, 2017
            1. iamscared

              thank you.

              February 06, 2017
  2. depressedgirl

    Such a sweet, sweet story.

    February 05, 2017
    1. iamscared

      Thank you.

      February 05, 2017
      1. depressedgirl

        You are welcome.

        February 07, 2017